Nobody Said This Would be Simple

by Yossarian

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1.
03:27
2.
03:32
3.
02:01
4.
02:28
5.
03:50
6.
7.
01:51
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9.
03:32
10.
04:21
11.
02:02

about

After spending a few years promising everyone I know that I'll release an album, it's finally done. I put this project together over the course of a year or so on time and equipment I begged, borrowed, and stole for. If you like what you hear, throw me a few dollars; money I make off of this music will go towards creating and performing more of it. Don't get me wrong, I'll create more anyway, but you can make it easier on me and speed the process up while you're at it.

Thanks for listening.

credits

released 23 November 2013
Thanks to Ezra Naughton and Carl Sagan.

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about

Yossarian Waxhaw, North Carolina

My name is Yossarian, I produce and I rap too. My home is a goat farm right on the border between North and South Carolina. I write about philosophy, my problems, and philosophical problems. My beats sound like a drum machine making noisy love to the universe. If you like my music, tell somebody about it. ... more

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Track Name: Capillarity
Have you ever got the feeling that the sky is watching you?
Like one big blue eye with eyes just for you
I know it isn’t true, but...
I like to keep a ceiling handy just in case I got some shit to do

Don’t fucking call me, I’ve got a mind to lose but
I’ve gotta find a muse, it’s not music it’s a line of clues
Leading back to the woods, down a hole in the ground
Where I kept the memories that motivated the sound
I’ve been isolated ever since they moved there
I’ve Spent a lot of time acting like I don’t care
I’ve had a lot of thoughts that I haven’t cared to share but
Now I’ve got a beat, so I’m speaking through the frigid air sayin’
I never wondered where it’s headed ‘til I’m dead
The only method is a skeptic with work ethic for bread
The rest is something that I’ll deal with as it happens
Until then, yeah, I’m still rappin’
On the dot on a map that you’ll probably never read
Where I grew like a tree from a midwest seed
The roots grew thick in the dirt as I worked
Now the wings strain single-minded, tearin’ up earth

From the days spent scattered in exhaust fumes
Lost in my thoughts of miscalculated odds
Dead and faded gods, mismatched socks and
Simulated odds, I assimilated songs while I smoked too much
And such and such, kids do anything to make a buck
That life sucks, fuck your brand new truck
I’ll try my luck in pursuit of something a little smaller
Singin’ in the snow, voice cracked and faltered
Looking not to the sky but to the ground with a lens
Until I find myself inside of something and love it I’m fine
Wide eyed open broken and fly
To the sky, see a lens? Go worship the eye
To find something to love inside yourself and
Shelve it for the self-help then sell it for the wealth
Fuck you, you’re empty, stuck here with empathy
Drunk on everything and sunk, point missed, subsisting on bunk

Now blood falls thick to the capillary network
Setback wick lit, cuttin’ through the dead murk
Tongue like lead, lookin’ like a red shirt with his
Gunpowder lung wrung dry by the death flirt
My head hurts, snake skin shed
Certified smoke spitter blurt every letter said
With intent to repent for every second spent
Never earning rent, I guess I put me here again
Staring at a blank page suckin’ on a pen plus
I been dead nine days, came back on the tenth
Took five, wrote a song, then did it all again
That’s where I’ve been, that’s who I am
This is what I do, working with my hand
My land, your land, it all came before man
This is only fleeting, the only place to stand
Track Name: Address
Gravity glues the diffused ooze of the universe as it moves
Over time, through space in four states fused in
Place suffused with heat, energy to move each piece through
Space, combine and break, bond or contuse the shape
Keep an eye on where it rotates through night and day
On a ball of magma mineral water and clay where we
Stay and cycle atmosphere between ourselves and plants and steer
Our plans to clear a path between the fear of death and rant about
Each other to each other, making children with our lovers
Smothering one another ‘cause we’re stuck beside our brothers and
Sisters, blister kissers’ killers’ grifters, missus, misters
Workers, wishers, Whistful kids that get called hipsters
The blessed will find their bliss the rest will die with less
The best kill a prejudice the more invested will progress
The weight is lifted that gets confessed
The world’s address, a sad pun that reflects a sadder mess

Whatever happens is a function of consciousness
What you feel at night is death
Whatever happens is a function of consciousness
What you feel at night is death
If you love life less and less
Stop and focus on your breath
If you love life less and less
Stop and focus on your breath

The vertices outline planes shaped to contain space
Changing shape as time divides the animation’s grain size
Defining the resolution of the mind body and grind
The width of a split thought sits between before and after
Confined, I’m concerned with how it defines the latter combined with before the Matter shatters and morphs to corporeal form to fit
The force of effect’s origin, the core of it is orbited by
Possible spatial configurations waiting to be
Made manifest by those above cause and effect the
gods and Prophets effect change unchecked by the
chain’s shape as it Connects to the stone-set vane of the
Past That remains fast back to the first blast,
before that Is the unimaginable lack, the
same stuff that fills the cracks between division of fact or
fiction, sensitive dependence on initial conditions
Is the human condition, get it in your cognition

Whatever happens is a function of consciousness
What you feel at night is death
Whatever happens is a function of consciousness
What you feel at night is death
If you love life less and less
Stop and focus on your breath
If you love life less and less
Stop and focus on your breath

If ghosts exist they’re in the face of battered women and
The fists of evil men and their herditary givens
Our lives are written, letters we’ll never read
Sent between the gods of probability to seed the serpent
plight of earthlin’; cursed to curve inward
Within words in many versions asleep beneath
The black ghost of infinity spillin’ between the foes of a filigree
The billion literal fission machines making significance split at the seams
Lost at the bottom of its wave trough, before it fades to
shade, detained Caught between the skull and brain, sights off,
lost in rain drops cooperating With the size of things,
surprised to bring your eye to the sky at night and think
The raw feeling between the beginning and end of a blink,
synch up, the crux of things extends past the missing link
An unintact adjective defined as a state of
collaborative mind mapped To the fine lines of fate

Whatever happens is a function of consciousness
What you feel at night is death
Whatever happens is a function of consciousness
What you feel at night is death
If you love life less and less
Stop and focus on your breath
If you love life less and less
Stop and focus on your breath
Track Name: GOAT
Baaah

bah

Baaaaah

Mraah

Maa

Baaaaa

Braaahhh

Mraaahhh

baaahh

bah

baaaah

mraaa

baaa
Track Name: MC^2
I know it isn't like this. Stop, hit the light switch,
spite a likeness fly a kite for the first and final fight this
bite might leave a mark but I won’t let it make me contrite
that’s sleight of hand in the fight to
be a man. A slightly non-standard atlas on which I sketch a
plan Standing on what I do, at the crossroads
of what I want to and what I can do, I won’t
It’s all just walls to slam through
I hate to be rude when I
Loosy goosily boost through a slew of floozies fluidly
spooning food for thought to fools lost in their stupidity
clue ‘em in, maybe make ‘em something different
You can buy a ticket on a train of thought with two cents
Shame the same can’t be said of rent
Unless this rap thing of mine begins to get some wallets bent
open, if it doesn't I’ll end it beneath the ocean
cremated and mixed with the ashes of my poems and a slogan:

“We are god, god is motion
Time is the mind, movement is notion
Movement is notion
Movement is notion
Movement is notion”

As I move through the space of possibility given to me
I reflect on what we can’t see, slanted oblique
in relation to sleep with cold feet despite
sun sheets, my environment doesn’t often match me,
until I realize viscerally, my environment is me,
I vary infinitely when I’m finished the particles
in my articles of clothes won’t be different from my flesh
decomposed into compost, yo-yo six feet low
growin’ under snow until the sun glows and my
carbon’s in the water flow, and I can see a ghost
in the river on the slope where the water flow erodes
A record of the universe consistently encodes
within itself. I decode how it bodes, like a modus
operandi made of openness and honesty within a transparent economy could make us
what we want to be Indeed the walls could fall tomorrow and we’d all be
better for it Moving forward privacy is eroded by the
torrent of technology, no more forced apologies
in all that dirty laundry it’ll be hard to see a reason
Needle in a pain-stack, people in pain attack
Punishment often curves the cycle back
For all the faith we lack in the killer’s face staring back
in regret, we have to let our better nature pay the debt
Forgive and never forget the connection shared
E=MC^2
Track Name: Wreck It
Check it, wreck it like an S-wave
Synthetic diamond-edged lathe head
Shaped a lead lyric and bathes your face in flame breath
Bane of death, lethargic after effect of ethereal
Debt paid, imperial’s pet pain, serial brain
Fanger mangle matter, no blood stain
Phrases cut chains, slave days maimed
Made aimless in the rearrangement of claims made
Aided addenders splendor epiloggin’ it
Confidence consummate, composite agog
Wanderer communist lost in it ponderin’
Possible combinations, launderin’
Motivations, thoughts often obfuscated
Foggy bog sloggin’ a lot, belated
Fate shape revelation takes place
Shakes the foundation right up to my face
And traces a way to the an embrace
Undebased by T&A beneath a fucking basket case

One step and a whole house gets smashed
One breath and a whole damn bowl gets cached
Stungunning cunningly, hunting and cutting uppity underlings
Summoning something otherly, shutting up a blundering
Cunt, fist in his windpipe, for fighting like a guttersnipe
Applying the metal pipe, mortifying sight, ripe
melon acts like your head might, sledgehammer, ax, knife,
Spread you like Vegemite, and when you’re dead there’s no afterlife!
Now I take flight, literally outta sight
Concealed below a cloud ‘cause Yossarian’s that white
Still got the burdensome backbite, internal
bedlam in daylight, Fish to a gunfight shit
malachite fist set to make a hater satellite
Ignite, tie you to a stick and light my way through the night
Lay it on thick so you listen when I recite
Cuttin’ to the quick until you’re salty like a sodomite

I try to lie between what is expected and my dreams but
Now I can’t sleep, and my eyes have sunk deep into my
Sockets, I think I got it but there’s holes in all my
Pockets soles and locket, old habits die
Slow like descent into a rabbit hole
Christmas in July, Santa brought me hot coal
Lookin’ like a prole, the folk around me tend to take a toll
On my sanity, but I have to love my friends and family
Happily chill with any brother in the summer heat

Scramble an egg up on the concrete, gamble and beg your way to
easy street, I’m a deadbeat who deads beats
Fed to me like red meat, a small feat In any grand scheme
Little element red with heat, building a head of steam
completely unafraid of slings and arrows, spit thunder by the
barrel and Sunder girl’s apparel, fairly careful
Not to wear my cares for fear of faring badly sadly
Still fighting to be frictionless for freedom madly
In love with my art, fits me like a glove as I impart
An argument against the philosophy of Descartes
I’m smart, my primary source of arrogance
I cite a primary source attesting to gazelle elegance
The martial artfulest preconception arsonist carving
Partial testaments and anti-obelisk arguments
Hark! I bark a lark to spark notional embarkment
Malarkey farting snark? depart! That’s not my department
Track Name: The Ways Worn
Alone among the crumbling husk of a dead city
Snow piles up to form throne of lust and self-pity
Bones in the dust speak tomes of a soul gritty
Hope’s torch dormant in the pocket and .50
Shod for lockstep with god between the poppies
Stone facade fucked faulty forms an odd robotic copy
Roame a steppe stoic with the onus on me sloppy
I’m home alone, cuttin’ archives choppy copping a
Personal apartheid, segregated brain prints
Live listen learn then wonder where the time went
Dissonant sins getting kicked cognisant
Given the givens our fate is fixed in a splint
White knuckles on a ripcord, fist misformed
Finger split, freefalling through a brainstorm
So here I sit, lit decoding the cuneiform
Calcified crystalline and living in a waveform

Living for the ways worn since the beginning
A path traveled emphatically by those with vision
Outside of all duality, pursued by men and women
alike for all reality brushed aside and hidden.

Cross-hatched curves of occluded light Strike the worn
Floor before me in a millisecond snatched From a stormy
Night by the lightening describing a crooked Arc between the
Firmament and earth within a spark -
I start a second later mind cemented in the Past the
Pattern represented within memory perHaps cast
In brain cells constructed similar to That
Electronic visions isolated under Hat
Collapsed down to thought from energy eminAted at a
Greater rate than information disseminAted in my
Body, my construction is awfully shoddy, Sorry
Constricted inefficient and gaudy Hardly
Sufficient given the visions I live internally Vivid
Given nocturnally and infernally Livid mission to
Close the gap is in effect to find volition
Livin’ without permission, without tradition

chorus

I killed God by force of will to spare myself the rod
of prayer to all the swill and fraud they care to laud and learned

With time I freed my mind to see the signs without design
Beyond the causal lines defined within the human mind
Accumulated clouds of brilliance, a trillion filaments
Punctuate the firmament, the hub as it’s weeling in
Our perspective, the planet’s axis acts as
The point of reference for every evidence
The eminent effervescent information bent through our senses
editing contentment with the way we used to represent our
Place among existence, raise a fist like a piston
For all the death of truth kept hidden
Blink back the blinding light, think back and find your sight
Drink black and bind your rights, make it ink, define your plight
Consign the night to firelight, warm your hands and feet
Remind the fright of it’s position, only smoke for heat

chorus
Track Name: Love Song With No Hook
Wherever you go, there you are.

I feel like dogshit and I'm fucking ashamed of it
There's nobody to blame for this, save maybe my covetous
Brain-lust, trust is sustenance, love is a clusterfuck
This world has taught me nothing but not to trust my luck
You're two of the best people I've ever met and you have my blessing
But my heart needs a rest from being afraid of confessing
Jealousy and pain, each breath is numb depressed spite
I had to force myself to eat today, hunger pain felt right
I'm not seeking your attention or being dramatic
God damn it, tell me who I am again and I've had it
I work with what I have and nothing more, friend
Don't talk about my future anymore when you try to mend
If I had a god I'd pray to him that I was happy for you
If there was a devil he'd make me forsake and abhor you
But this is it: three humans, three brains on a stick
I'll believe it, I promise, but something hasn't clicked

There's something gorgeous about the mind
There's something enormous about the blind rush
Of another motherfucker within it with me
To cover the path weather weathered winning or limping
Lifting our feet to our fast-beating heart's rhythm
And leading our simian parts across the algorithm
God damn it woman, man, adult, and child
We're exactly what we need to survive the wild
And you, my twin beloved monkeys in love with each other
You make me sick to my fucking stomach brother
But as long as I live, love, laugh and give back
I'll fight to close the gap and do my best to lack
In fear of interacting with you when you're together
I write on organic tissue paper beat to leather
And if I ever get the feeling that she and I should be we
I'll remember that where I go is where I really ought to be
Track Name: Sunrise
Scissor through a silent night, mind on the sunrise
May it bring clear sight with it’s light
Run on instinct and insight
Inside the heat-sink glows pink in false pride
Listen close, these walls think thoughts of hope
Stone syllables speak songs of settling on a slope
Building unkillable drive, will it to dive, build
Skill in the mind, thrill of the five finger spear strike to
Fear’s throat to spill tears and build boats
Terra-firma soak, sea swallowed the oaks
We rode the flow, never fled when levees broke
Horizon’s bow an omen of dropping the yoke
Dropping the cross, severed signals to god
Killing the cost, stay the path when I plod
Wandering, never lost, putting past to the rod
Time to let it fly, heaven-bound and slipshod

[everybody’s got it hard, everybody works hard
Everybody’s hard, it’s a farce but it’s honest
Fate placed the wild card upon us
Sunrise light writes recursion on your life’s shards]

Blue orange and red
Yellow disk, fixed perspective dead
Leaves, lead teeth, empty sheaf
Plenty beat, sleepless beneath
a sky pleated cotton wreathed
in Eden's light like a dead star
seen between a lightyear’s flight
To mine eyesight slighted
By the limelight I shine right
By my time to find fights
To pick apart within the conduit
Between my brain and heart solder bonded it
Early on, I haven’t squandered it
Parts of me prefer to slaughter it the more I ponder it
But a rising light reminds me why it moves
Tells me that there’s nothing left to prove
Nothing left to lose, Reminds me that...

[everybody’s got it hard, everybody works hard
Everybody’s hard, it’s a farce but it’s honest
Fate placed the wild card upon us
Sunrise light writes recursion on your life’s shards]

It’s all about
The way the sun strikes me as I wake, break of dawn
Coffee and a cigarette with things to make, I sing a song
That I’ve been writing ever since I made contact with adulthood
Improvised to try to do what and adult should but
What’s an adult but a child with some years in ‘em
Catapulted forward to get some different fears in ‘em
‘Til he’s getting beers in ‘em, weary of the limits imposed
Unclear as to where he should or shouldn’t stick his nose
So I flow like spit, going where I go, knowing what I know
It’s hard to see the side of things shown to me by
Cloned sheep, slowed to a creep, thrown a bone
For their fleece to keep the cog greased
So another stoge to the domepiece, blown to pieces
Staying home so I can sit and ponder hope in peace
Hope to piece the loaf so my people can feast
I’ll play your fucking game but only for the sake of generosity
Track Name: Open Letter
Dear divinity, sing for me a song of each infinity’s finishing
Fishing in history, blister each conditioning
Inherently hindering everything
Sing for every particle settling in the dark darling...

Never let me live as if my purpose is existing in place
Or giving me to bigger things, you were a point in space
Now you’re the space we take up, our place in the makeup
To face and overcome, I lace up and
Get done The one thing as we swing around the sun
And sing to no one, hope is no help to those who don’t cling
Who don’t run and think to sink a stone for dead links
I’m a slinky minus spring, I’m a wink at the lens
I’m the brink of the beginning every second I extend
Into the next second’s ending
The neck steady bending to the rhythm of entropy
Entities replicate infinitely around me, it astounds me
Bound to be, sound, sight, thought circles round
From the ground to the is to the not
From living to the opposite, day twilight night
Just a coin-flip away from the light

I refuse to watch a planet fold inside itself in selfishness
If I can guide a single cell of mine against a prejudice
And edit it discredited, abetting any element
Perched upon a pediment, eggin’ a son of sediment
Federally accredited maleficent impediment
Steady medicating everybody dull and credulous
Skull-fuck an attitude attuned to any status quo
Progression is the flow, the direction time goes
And no, politicking ain’t the topic if I hadn’t made it obvious
You probably seen it too, whether anarchist or lobbyist
The tendency of sentencing sense to death by time gone by
That won’t die, but it won’t fly
Like a bird without a habitat, a cat beholden to a rat
A man without a home and holding post-traumatic aftermath
Slick to any sodden path of faded faith among the other half

Imagine yourself unclothed and alone and
Soaked to the bone in the snow with a knife
You’re attacked, will you fight for your life
Even though you’ll be dead by the end of the night?
Imagine that a man can fly
But his wings will melt if he gets too high
And the most magnificent sight is the height
Would you fly to the light then die for the hype?
Imagine that a planet can think
Imagine what would happen if it blinked
Or if it slept and it dreamed of death
Our dreams wouldn’t register I bet
Imagine what that means for anybody’s last breath
Worry debt or epithet, hurry threat or silhouette
It’s bigger than that, you’re bigger than that
I’m bigger than that, we’re bigger than that